dealbreaker: I’VE ALREADY HAD SEX WITH YOU  When I saw you standing by the bar at Olive Garden, my heart was all a flutter. You were so classy, and your NFL-themed tramp stamp helped me think up my opening line about “tight ends.” Who knew you were so far along in cosmetology school? I don’t mind saying, I was a little intimidated! Still, with the help of Mike’s Hard Lemonade, I got you back to my place. But you hesitated when I told you I was allergic to condoms. Luckily, you accepted the truth when you saw my medic-alert bracelet with the words “NO FUCKING RUBBERS!” scratched into the back. I’m sorry we didn’t get around to fulfilling your needs, I am, but I was worn out from all the oral sex you gave me in the Olive Garden custodial closet. Now that we’re done, I’ve started to notice some of your… shall we say “imperfections”? For one thing, your hair is all messed up; ever think I might be worth “trying” a little harder? Also, you’ve got jizz on your face and you smell like crotch. Some guys are cool with that kind of thing, but I think it just shows an inattention to detail. And I am nothing if not detail oriented. Finally, I can’t help but notice I’VE ALREADY HAD SEX WITH YOU. Sorry Tyfani, even guys have dealbreakers, and that’s mine. Written (in character) by wireless G.

dealbreaker:

I’VE ALREADY HAD SEX WITH YOU

 When I saw you standing by the bar at Olive Garden, my heart was all a flutter. You were so classy, and your NFL-themed tramp stamp helped me think up my opening line about “tight ends.” Who knew you were so far along in cosmetology school? I don’t mind saying, I was a little intimidated! Still, with the help of Mike’s Hard Lemonade, I got you back to my place. But you hesitated when I told you I was allergic to condoms. Luckily, you accepted the truth when you saw my medic-alert bracelet with the words “NO FUCKING RUBBERS!” scratched into the back. I’m sorry we didn’t get around to fulfilling your needs, I am, but I was worn out from all the oral sex you gave me in the Olive Garden custodial closet.

Now that we’re done, I’ve started to notice some of your… shall we say “imperfections”? For one thing, your hair is all messed up; ever think I might be worth “trying” a little harder? Also, you’ve got jizz on your face and you smell like crotch. Some guys are cool with that kind of thing, but I think it just shows an inattention to detail. And I am nothing if not detail oriented. Finally, I can’t help but notice I’VE ALREADY HAD SEX WITH YOU. Sorry Tyfani, even guys have dealbreakers, and that’s mine.

Written (in character) by wireless G.

hipsterpuppies: upon news of american apparel’s impending bankruptcy, tallulah used her last unemployment check to “stockpile leggings” [photo via tracy]

hipsterpuppies:

upon news of american apparel’s impending bankruptcy, tallulah used her last unemployment check to “stockpile leggings”

[photo via tracy]

madmenfootnotes:   If a lady can either be a Marilyn or a Jackie, then this same Kinseyian principle also applies to automobiles. Every convertible may look similar, but they’re not the same. Out in the sun-drunk air of Southern California, free from his cold, urban life, Don Draper’s automotive selection presents what type of man he is.   If this was the Don of Season 2, we could envision him behind the wheel of the brand new (to the marketplace) Ford Mustang – a powerful and sleek automobile, able to attract ladies with just a glance – touring PCH with the top down. Instead, it’s Season 4, and he’s a different Don, clunking along in the “luxury” Imperial, carrying its 5,185 lbs. of American steel and dreadfully harsh lines. Where is the guy who pitched the Jantzen ad earlier this year? Oh yeah, he’s cruising in a car for older men trying to feel young again.   And if the Imperial is reminiscent of something, it’s not a two-piece bathing suit. The Chrysler is lacking the arousal factor (something Don desperately needs to find again) to pull that off. A few years prior, Chrysler pulled off what Duck Phillips never could: they poached designer Elwood Engle away from Ford. While at Ford, Engle designed multiple automobile bodies, including the 1961 Lincoln Continental. Hey, wasn’t that Grandpa Gene’s car?    *Footnote by - Mike Adams

madmenfootnotes:

 

If a lady can either be a Marilyn or a Jackie, then this same Kinseyian principle also applies to automobiles.

Every convertible may look similar, but they’re not the same. Out in the sun-drunk air of Southern California, free from his cold, urban life, Don Draper’s automotive selection presents what type of man he is.

 


If this was the Don of Season 2, we could envision him behind the wheel of the brand new (to the marketplace) Ford Mustang – a powerful and sleek automobile, able to attract ladies with just a glance – touring PCH with the top down.

Instead, it’s Season 4, and he’s a different Don, clunking along in the “luxury” Imperial, carrying its 5,185 lbs. of American steel and dreadfully harsh lines. Where is the guy who pitched the Jantzen ad earlier this year? Oh yeah, he’s cruising in a car for older men trying to feel young again.

 

And if the Imperial is reminiscent of something, it’s not a two-piece bathing suit. The Chrysler is lacking the arousal factor (something Don desperately needs to find again) to pull that off. A few years prior, Chrysler pulled off what Duck Phillips never could: they poached designer Elwood Engle away from Ford. While at Ford, Engle designed multiple automobile bodies, including the 1961 Lincoln Continental.

Hey, wasn’t that Grandpa Gene’s car? 

 

*Footnote by - Mike Adams


josephgordon-levitt: acollapsingdream: robin-sparkles: unchartered: What. Am I doing. With my life. bitchiest ship in the world Your condescension and your pants, as always, is much appreciated, Arthur.

josephgordon-levitt:

acollapsingdream:

robin-sparkles:

unchartered:

What. Am I doing. With my life.

bitchiest ship in the world

Your condescension and your pants, as always, is much appreciated, Arthur.

skinsyeah: (via effystonemftw)

skinsyeah:

(via effystonemftw)

Kat Von D Is Really Dating Jesse James

twism:

Despite the fact that Kat Von D continuously denied that she has been getting a little too cozy with Jesse James, she tweeted that she is in fact dating him. What’s confusing is that Jesse reportedly told Sandra Bullock that he isn’t with Kat. You know what, I’m starting to get completely confused with every single thing that comes out of their mouth. I’m just going to pretend that none of this ever happened and Jesse will get back with Sandra soon enough. That better happen!

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY